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When we first start
on the road of parenthood we envision what the perfect parent is like. The
perfect parent is always calm, makes homemade cookies, attends every school
event, helps with homework, has a clean house, looks rested and, of course,
has perfect children.
In reality, our own homes are less than
spotless, our cookies come out of boxes, and by Friday we look like we’ve
been hiking through a jungle. So much for being perfect!
Trying to achieve perfection leads to an array
of problems: It is exhausting to keep up with our own ideas of what the
perfect parent is like; we simply don’t have enough time or energy to do
everything that the perfect parent intends to do; we set ourselves up for
disappointment; and the worse possible result of such quest for perfection:
we want perfect children.
Our kids - like ourselves - should be
allowed to get cranky, wake up in a bad mood, forget things, misplace
objects, get dirty, make mistakes and, most importantly, be themselves. The
perfect child does not exist any more than the perfect parent does. Trying
to make our children fit into a mold of what we believe to be perfection
will cause us – and the children – more pain than it is worth.
Perhaps the best way to get rid of the myth
that a perfect family exists is to redefine what ‘perfection’ means. Listen
to your children’s ideas! You may be surprised by what perfection looks
like to a child. A perfect afternoon, for instance, has nothing to do with
where you are, but that you are doing something together.
Engage with your children in activities
that they enjoy, actively listen to them, learn to appreciate something
they are passionate about, pick up shells, build a sand castle, share
memories of when you were their age, allow them to share secrets with you,
watch funny movies, read together, walk around the neighborhood… the main
ingredient of each of these activities is your sincere involvement.
Being PRESENT and enjoying each moment
with your child is what will make you the perfect parent in your child’s
view.
As we get ready for the long Summer days,
let us be reminded that we are all allowed a few days to relax, enjoy each
other and forget about vacuuming.
“Each
day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”
~Charles Swindoll
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"A PARENT ASKS"
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Q: I am recently divorced and my
children will be spending the summer with their dad. How can I help them
get ready and adjust to our new arrangement?
A: Divorce is never easy for the
children but it is also hard on the parents who wish to remain actively
involved in raising their children. Whether your kids are visiting the
other parent every weekend or for special occasions, it is important to
establish a few ground rules to make sure that all parties involved know
what to expect.
•
First, keep in mind that custody negotiations are not to be resolved by the
children, or even in front of them. If you and your ex can’t get into a
friendly agreement, a family court judge will do it for you. Once the
legalities have been determined, you are both responsible for holding your
part of the bargain.
•
Discuss with your ex what would be a good time for you to call and speak to
your child. Younger children may want to speak to you more often. Make
arrangements according to their needs, not yours.
•
Give your child a small calendar and mark with an X the day that they will
be returning home so that they can cross off days as the date nears.
•
Allow your children to take familiar articles with them – a stuffed animal
or a favorite blanket can make a child feel at home, especially at bed
time. Pictures are also helpful.
•
Try to keep the same rules and schedules in both households
but don’t criticize the differences to your children. If you don’t agree
with a particular situation, go back to the drawing board with your ex and
try to compromise.
•
Finally, allow your children to have a good time by not burdening them with
your concerns or by bad-mouthing your ex. A divorce is between two adults,
the children should continue to feel loved and respected by both parents as they were before the
separation. As long as your children are safe and having a good time,
your only concern should be what to do with all your free time!
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"PARENTS WANT TO KNOW"
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Learn
CPR & First Aid
Red Cross Offices
Oahu: (808) 257-8848
East
Hawaii: (808) 935-8305
West
Hawaii: (808) 326-9488
Kauai
County: (808) 245-4919
Maui County: (808) 244-0051
Mark Your Calendars!
Father’s
Day June 3rd
National Ice Cream Month
July
Independence Day July 4th
National
Family Fun Month August
Tooth
Fairy Day August 22nd
The Parent Line:
Free statewide phone line for parents and others caring for
children. Call for support, encouragement, information, and ideas about
handling behavior or about community resources.
Mon– Fri, 8:00am– 6:00pm and Sat, 9:00am-1:00pm.
Oahu: 526-1222.
Neighbor Islands toll-free: 1-800-816-1222
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SAFETY WORKS
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Summers are exciting
months for children and a time when many people try to catch up with
family, friends and a little relaxation. In Hawaii especially, this is
the time for hibachis, coolers and tents on the beach. If you have
children, this is also the time to be extra cautious around the water.
Facts:
• Drowning is the second leading
cause of death for children ages 1-4 and 10-14
• Majority of infant drowning
deaths occur in bathtubs, buckets or toilets
• Swimming pools are the most
common site for a drowning to occur
• Drowning among children increase
by 89% between May and August
• Entrapment occurs when part of a
child’s body part, bathing suit or hair become attached to a drain,
suction device or underwater object
Safety Tips:
• Install protection to prevent
entrapment such as a no-drain circulation system
• Actively supervise your children
around water, don’t be distracted by other activities such as talking on
the phone
• Learn CPR
• Teach children to swim only with
a buddy and under supervision
• Install a four-sided gate around
your pool
• Be aware of buckets containing
any type of liquids
• Teach children to stay away from
drain systems
•
Swim in lifeguarded areas
• Wear
appropriate floatation devices, especially during boat rides or other
water sports
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