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 ncouraging
your child helps develop self confidence, self-respect, and a sense
of accomplishment. As adults, we feel good when we receive words of
encouragement from our family, our friends and our employers. Children
need that encouragement too, and without it may become discouraged
and not feel good about themselves. They may become negative, aggressive,
anxious and fearful.So… make a point of noticing your child's positive behaviors. Children thrive on recognition. When you tell your child exactly what she did that was expected, she hears what specific behavior is appropriate and appreciated. Then she will be much more likely to repeat that behavior because of the positive attention she has received. Try to ignore small mistakes and misbehaviors. If you child really needs to be corrected, focus on teaching what to do rather than nagging about what not to do. Give children the opportunity to try things even when you know they will struggle. Then you will have given them a chance to learn and to gain a sense of accomplishment by trying. Allow your preschooler to pour his own milk, and when he spills it say, "Oops, spilled! Let's put the pitcher down lower so it's easier to see the glass when you pour. Here's a sponge, let's clean up the milk." Expect progress, not perfection. Notice small improvements. If your child is trying something new and is having a hard time, focus on the fact that she has the courage to try. Say, "Keep trying. It's hard, I know, but don't give up". Children who think they have to do everything perfectly the first time are often afraid to try anything new for fear of making a mistake, so your encourage-ment is very important. Remember to keep your own expectations realistic - children's maturity and ability vary greatly, even in the same family. Distinguish between your child and his behavior. Encouragement focuses on the effort the child makes and not what actually gets done. For example, say, "You really worked hard on getting all the pieces in the puzzle to fit. You must be proud." Rather than saying, "You finished the puzzle, good for you." Try not to confuse your child's accomplishment with how you value your child. Be careful not to shame your child when you are correcting his behavior. It is easy for a child to feel that he is not liked or respected after he has made a mistake or has misbehaved. Mistakes are how we all learn. Your child will learn from his mistakes if he is not made to feel embarrassed about them. Sometimes parents start out to say something encouraging but then add words that confuse and hurt. For example, "You worked very hard on that, I wish you always would," or "You can do it.... quit whining and get busy." Offer honest encouragement. Don't make too big of a fuss over simple accomplishments as a way to try and make your child feel good about herself. Be matter-of-fact about self-care activities like teeth brushing, eating, getting dressed, etc. Children are very suspicious of too much praise. It can backfire and make the child have self-doubts about any real accomplishments she makes. It is also important not to use encouragement as a reward for positive behavior because then your child learns to work for the reward rather than for her own satisfaction. Remember that the goal is to build your child's self esteem. You are not trying to make your child perfect. With lots of practice and thoughtful encouragement your child will build new skills and gain a sense of belonging, and will feel accepted, strong and capable. SUGGESTED READING: Some excellent books available at the State Libraries include: • The Encouraging Parent: How To Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Start Teaching Them Confidence, Self-disci pline, and Joy by Rodney Kennedy • Raising a Happy, Confident, Successful Child: 52 Lessons to Help Parents Grow by Trish Magee • The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child by William Sears, M.D. • Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids: Practical Ways to Create a Calm and Happy Home by Naomi Drew Back to top "A PARENT ASKS" Q: My 3 year old daughter uses her crayons to draw on my wall and table. What can I do instead of screaming at her? A:
Before she starts to use the crayons, ask her if she remembers what
she may draw on. If she says "The paper," say, "You
remembered the rule! Good for you." As she draws, tell her
she's doing a good job of coloring on the paper. If she can't remember
the rule, remind her what she is allowed to draw on. Offer her choices
of paper i.e. colored, white, cardboard, etc. If she starts to draw
on the table or wall, say, "Please draw on the paper like this,"
and pick up a crayon and draw something on the paper yourself. PARENTS WANT TO KNOW Phone Numbers to Remember The Parent Line: Free statewide phone line for parents and others caring for children. Call for support, encouragement, information, and ideas about handling behavior or about community resources. Monday-Friday 8:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m and Saturday 9:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. O'ahu ph. 526-1222. Neighbor island parents call toll-free: 1-800-816-1222. PATCH: If you are looking for child care, info on how to
select a child care provider, or are interested in becoming a child
care provider yourself, call PATCH, Hawai'i's child care resource
and referral agency. Special Parent Information Network (SPIN): Parents of preschool children with special needs often wish they had a map to navigate the confusing maze of special education rights and responsibilities, child care options, government benefits, medical services and community resources. Parents also wish for a travel guide-someone who has been down the road and can point them in the right direction for information, services and support. SPIN offers a world of support through its parent-to-parent "warm line", free quarterly newsletter, web site and annual conference. Call SPIN at 586-8126 or find them on the web at www.spinhawaii.org. Back to top Tiny Tots Program: The Honolulu City Department of Parks and Recreation sponsors two programs to enhance the quality of life for the island's pre-school age population. The Tiny Tots program is designed to foster social development among children ages three-and-a-half to five years old. Activities introduce youngsters to the fascinating world of music, dance, arts and culture, story-telling and excursions. The ten-week course is offered twice a year. Registrations are held at City playgrounds in mid-September and mid-June. Children must be toilet-trained to qualify for enrollment. Swimming lessons are also offered for pre-school children. Interested parents should contact their neighborhood playground or pool or call the following numbers for more information. On Neighbor islands, call the Parks and Recreation Department for playgroups or other activities. Hawai'i Kai to McCully - 973-7250 SAFETYWORKS A preschool-aged child often resists holding his or her parent's hand while crossing streets and in parking lots. Explain firmly that they are still too small to be seen by people driving the cars and they must hold your hand. Model good street crossing habits yourself. Over-emphasize "Stop, look and listen" before stepping into the street. Cross at corners only and use crosswalks when available. Show your child how you make eye contact with drivers to make sure they see you before you cross. Preschoolers often see older children playing basketball or riding bikes on quiet streets and want to join in. The street is never a safe place for a young child, even with supervision. Offer alternate activities in the yard, or on the lanai or sidewalk. Back to top |
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NOTE
TO PRESCHOOLS AND OTHER ORGANIZATIONS: TO CHANGE YOUR MAILING
ADDRESS OR CHANGE THE AMOUNT OF NEWSLETTERS SENT, PLEASE CALL
941-9745 OR WRITE: The Parent Line Distribution Center, 1575 S.
Beretania St., #202, Honolulu, HI 96826. THE TEDDY BEAR POST is
published 4 times a year by the Maternal and Child Health Branch,
Dept. of Health, State of Hawaii, and is distributed by The Parent
Line Distribution Center.