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As adults, we feel good when we receive words of encouragement from others. The same holds true for children. Encouraging your child; helps them to develop self-confidence, self-respect and, a sense of accomplishment. Without words of support, they may become discouraged, may develop a low self-esteem and this may result in negative, aggressive, anxious and fearful tendencies.
Parents should make it a point to notice their child's positive behavior. Children thrive on recognition. When you tell your child that what he/she did was exactly what you had expected, your child has learned what specific behavior is appropriate and appreciated. They will be more likely to repeat this behavior because of the positive reaction they have received.
As we do not like to be criticized by others, use restraint when correcting your child. Try to ignore minor mistakes and misbehavior. If your child really needs to be corrected, focus on teaching what TO DO rather than what NOT TO DO. Give your child the opportunity to try things even when you know they may struggle. This gives them an opportunity to learn and to gain a sense of accomplishment by trying, i.e. allowing your preschooler to pour his/her own drink. If he/she spills it, say, "Oops! Let's put the pitcher lower so it's easier to see the cup when you pour. Now, let's clean this up!"
Expect progress, not perfection. Notice small improvements. If your child is trying something new and is having a difficult time, focus on the fact that he/she has the courage to try. Offer encouragement, i.e. "Keep trying. I know it's hard, but don't give up"! Children who think they have to do everything perfectly the first time are often afraid to try anything new, for fear of making a mistake, so your encouragement is very important. Remember to keep your own expectations realistic--children's maturity and ability vary greatly, even within the same family.
Distinguish between your child and the behavior. Encouragement focuses on the effort the child makes, not on what actually gets done. For example, say, " You really worked hard on this puzzle--you must be proud", rather than "You finished this puzzle, good for you"!
Try hot to confuse your child's accomplishment with how you value your child. Be careful not to shame your child when you are correcting his/her behavior. It is easy for a child to feel that he/she is not liked or respected after he/she has made a mistake or has misbehaved. Mistakes are how we all learn. Children will learn from their mistakes if they are not made to feel embarrassed by them. Sometimes parents begin to say encouraging words, but then add words that confuse and hurt, i.e. "You worked very hard on this, but I wish you would ...," or "You can do it... quit whining and get busy"!
Offer honest encouragement. Don't fuss over simple accomplishments as a way to try and make your child feel good about himself/herself. Be matter-of-fact about self-care activities like teeth brushing, eating, getting dressed, etc. Children are very suspicious of too much praise which can result in self-doubts about any real accomplishments they may have. It is also important to use encouragement as an intrinsic reward for his/her own satisfaction, rather than for an extrinsic reward.
Remember that the goal is to build your child's self-esteem-- not to make your child perfect. With lots of practice and thoughtful encouragement, your child will develop new skills and gain a sense of belonging, acceptance, and self-confidence.
SUGGESTED READING:
Some excellent books available at the State Libraries include:
• My Big Boy Bed by Eve Bunting
• Giving by Shirley Hughes
• When Mommy Was Mad by Lynne Jonell
• David Goes to School by David Shannon
• Good Job, Little Bear by Martin Waddell
• Yoko's Paper Cranes by Rosemary Wells
• Sally Wants to Help by Cindy Wheeler
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"A PARENT ASKS" |
Q: My 3-year-old daughter uses her crayons and draws on the wall and table. What can I do?
A: Before she starts to use the crayons, ask her if she remembers what she may draw on. If she says "The paper," say, "You remembered the rule! Good for you." As she draws, tell her she's doing a good job of drawing on the paper. If she can't remember the rule, remind her what she is allowed to draw on. Offer her choices of paper, i.e. colored, white, cardboard, etc.
If she starts to draw on the wall or table, say, "Please draw on the paper like this," and pick up a crayon and draw something on the paper yourself. If she continues to draw on the wall or table, take the crayons away and say, "You forgot the rule. Remember, we draw on the paper. I am putting the crayons away for now. Later, you may draw again." Remember! Look for appropriate behavior. Catch your child doing something right and say something positive immediately!
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"PARENTS WANT TO KNOW" |
The Parent Line: Free statewide phone line for parents and others caring for children. Call for support, encouragement, and information on community resources.
Monday - Friday: 8:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m.
and Saturday: 9:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.
O'ahu: ph. 526-1222. Neighbor Islands:
call toll-free: 1-800-816-1222
P.A.T.C.H.
If you are looking for child care, information on how to select a child care provider, or are interested in becoming a child care provider, call P.A.T.C.H, Hawaii's child care resource and referral agency.
| O'ahu | 839-1988 |
| East Hawai'i | 961-3169 |
| West Hawai'i | 329-7101 |
| Maui | 242-9232 |
| Kaua'i | 246-0622 |
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Special Parent Information Network (S.P.I.N.)
Parents of preschool children with special needs often wish they had a map to navigate the confusing maze of special education rights and responsibilities, child care options, government benefits, medical services and community resources. Parents also wish for a travel guide - someone who has been down the road and can point them in the right direction for information, services and support.
SPIN offers a world of support through its parent-to-parent "warm line", free quarterly newsletter, web site and annual conference ("SPIN'S Recipe for Success" to be held on 4/23/05 @ U.H. Campus Ctr.) Call SPIN at 586-8126 or find them at www.spinhawaii.org.
Tiny Tots Program
The Honolulu City Department of Parks and Recreation sponsors programs to enhance the quality of life for O'ahu's pre-school age population. The Tiny Tots program is designed to foster social development among children ages three-and-a-half to five years. Activities introduce youngsters to the fascinating world of music, dance, arts and culture, story-telling and excursions. The course is usually offered twice a year and registrations are held at City playgrounds. Children must be toilet-trained to qualify for enrollment. Swimming lessons are also offered. Interested parents should contact their neighborhood playground or pool or call the following numbers for more information.
| Hawai'i Kai to McCully | 973-7250 |
| Makiki to Aiea | 522-7070 |
| Pearl City to Wai'anae; Wahiawa | 675-7130 |
| Mokuleia to Waimanalo | 233-7300 |
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SAFETY WORKS
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Preschool-age children often resist holding their parent’s hand while crossing the street or walking through parking lots, etc. Parents should explain firmly that they are still too little to be seen by drivers, so they must hold a grown-up’s hand for their protection.
Model good street-crossing habits yourself. Emphasize “Stop, look and listen” before stepping onto the street. Cross at corners only and use crosswalks whenever available. Demonstrate to your child how to make eye contact with drivers to ensure that they have been seen before they cross the street.
Preschoolers often see older children playing ball or riding bikes on quiet streets and may want to do the same. Explain to them that the streets is never a safe place to play, even with supervision. Suggest other activities and locations, i.e. in the yard, or on the lanai or sidewalk.
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